Sunday, November 24, 2013


Mike & I - Bethel, Maine-Summer 2009
Some days I was so, so tired.  And you know that when you are tired you get cranky and start feeling really disconnected from the people around you and all the positive things going on in your life.  The focus often switches to the negative and everything looks worse than it is and you start feeling so alone.  Then all of a sudden something happens that snaps you back.

I remember one day near the beginning of hockey season when I was feeling like that.  However, there was no way I was going to stay home and rest when one of my kids had a hockey game.  We were sitting in the arena and I saw this pretty young woman walk by.  She was wearing jeans, gorgeous boots and a pink down vest over a sweater.  She had on a pink and white Nike cap and she looked really stylish.  Like she had just walked out of a magazine.

Tasza & I - Montmercy Falls, QC-Summer 2013
However, I also noticed that she had no hair.  Actually it was the thinning, falling out kind of hair that I recognized as all too familiar.  She was walking with her daughter and probably had a son on the ice.  That was me a year ago.  I wanted to go to her to talk to her and tell her that I was her last year.  I wanted her to know that I made it through and look at me now.  I wanted to hug her and tell her that as hard as it might seem that she’ll get through it.  I wanted to tell her that each day might seem like an eternity but the year would go by fast.  I wanted to tell her daughter that her Mom was going to be okay and if they all stuck together they’d come out on the other side stronger and closer than ever.  But I couldn’t say a word.  I just stared at her and my legs wouldn’t move.  I couldn’t bring myself to walk towards her.
Alex & I - Percé Rock, QC-Summer 2010

I kept thinking what if someone came to me a year ago and said all of those things to me?  Would I have been happy about it and encouraged or would I have pushed them away and thought “who the hell are you to tell me anything?  You don’t know me or my family or what we are going through.”  I mean really I don’t even know if she had breast cancer.  It could have been chemo for any other kind of cancer.  I just assumed it was breast cancer.  Anyway, I never said anything but then again maybe it is better I didn't.

I guess in the end it made me feel like I had some experience to share.  I felt that I had been through the wringer and could now talk about it to others.  It also made me realize that I was not alone and that none of us that go through this horrible experience are alone.  There are way too many of us.

Alone Together - Fall Out Boy


  1. Tracy you always speak from the heart and your words always touch mine. I will take all that you wanted to say to that stylishly dressed woman as words to me because they are exactly what I need to hear right now, today. Thank you for being the beautiful and compassionate soul that you are. Take care!

    1. Hi Angeline! Thanks for your kind and honest words. I really appreciate that. I am so happy that something in this post really reached you today. That, after all, is why I am sharing this story. You have reaffirmed for me that this is having a positive impact out there somewhere. Have a good week - big hugs to you.

  2. Wow...I just love reading your blog. Thank you ox

    1. Thanks for reading Natalie! Hope you had a great hockey weekend with some relax time as well. Take care xo


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