Tuesday, July 9, 2013

BLURRED LINES

Summer Garden 2013
I could hear noises and knew that I was slowly starting to wake up from the bilateral mastectomy surgery.  Everything was blurry.  I looked up and saw a clock on the wall but it was out of focus.  What the heck happened?  I was so thirsty and asked for water but a voice said I couldn’t have any yet.  I asked for ice chips.  Those too were denied by the voice.  I decided that she was not my friend and I wanted to punch her in the face.  I looked around and closed my eyes again.

Then all of a sudden I was so hot that I couldn’t stand it.  I told the voice and then she did respond with a cool, wet cloth that she wiped my face, head and body with.  Maybe she wasn’t so bad after all.  I remember her saying that it was weird because most people who came out of this were freezing and needed the warm blankets that they keep in the ovens.  Finally she brought me some water and it was sooooo good.  I slowly started to wake up and realize where I was and what had happened.  My legs felt weird and when I looked down I had these ugly stocking things on that the nurse explained were to help with circulation.  I was to keep them on for the duration of my stay at the hospital.  I also had these drains on either side.  There was a tube coming from each side of my chest/armpit area with a grenade shaped plastic suction container on the end of each one.   These would fill up with blood and have to be emptied periodically for a number of days.  Very gross but all part of the master plan.
Deidra & Me - Summer 2011

I really wasn’t in the recovery room for very long when they told me the porter would be taking me to my hospital room.  I think it was around 3:00 pm.  I remember travelling on an elevator and through hallways with this big wet towel on my head and finally I looked up and saw the three men in my life, Mike, my Dad and my brother Trevor.  They were all waiting outside my room.  Once I got moved around and into my room I realized that Deidra, my sister-in-law, was there too and I was touched.  The nurses told them all that I would need to get settled into my bed and cleaned up before they came in.  I must have looked like a complete bag of crap!  I had an IV, I had a towel on my head, I had some tubes in my nose and gawd knows what else there was.  I think there was blood all over the sheets too.  The nurses cleaned me up and then everyone came in.

Trevor, Grif & Me - Summer 2013
I visited a bit with them but I was having a hard time keeping my eyes open.  When Trevor left he leaned over and hugged me and kissed me on the forehead.  That meant so much to me because he doesn’t normally do stuff like that.  Deidra had watery eyes so I know I must have looked pretty bad and I know it was probably hard for her to be there since it must have brought back memories of the year before when she watched her Mom go through this.  Also, having lost her Dad the previous summer, I know how hard it must have been for her to just be in the hospital.  Those kinds of memories can come flooding back and rip your heart out.  I will be forever grateful that they both came to support me that day.  I was so relieved that my Dad was there too when I came out of the surgery.  Just seeing my Dad’s face always makes me feel so much better.  He has been my hero since I was a little girl and knowing he was there made me feel that everything was going to be okay.  He has always been there and he has never let me down.  Mike, as always, was also there and has been by my side since day one.  He has been my pillar of strength and my rock.  Just seeing him there I know that I’m safe.
Me & My Dad - 1968


Shortly after Trevor and Deidra left, my Dad went home to be with the kids and Sheila.  We decided it was better not to bring the kids up that night because I was so drugged and tired that it wouldn’t be good for any of us to see each other.  It was comforting to know that our kids would be looked after with Dad and Sheila and have an enjoyable evening together.  Mike helped me to sit up and when my dinner came, I didn’t feel much like eating but he did feed me the orange jello.  How romantic is that?!  He stayed with me until visiting hours were over at 8:00 pm but I slept through the whole evening while he was there.  A lot of fun I am!  Apparently his uncle stopped by with some lovely carnations and a card.  I don’t recall that at all.  I was pretty out of it and slept all night except for the times that they woke me up to check on me, take my vitals, give me pills, etc…I have no idea what pills they were giving me but I certainly was not going to refuse any of them!



Blurred Lines - Robin Thicke ft. T.I. Pharrell



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