My friends and family were calling to wish me well but the telephone was ringing off the hook and it was really starting to get to me. I do know that people had good intentions but the more the phone rang the farther I got behind in the things I was trying to get done and also the more it made me think about the surgery. I was really just trying to put it out of my head for the time being and I figured I would just show up the next day at the required time and take it from there. No point worrying about the unknown and all the “what ifs”.
|Poor Poor Pitiful Alex- |
Paris, Spring 2010
Anyway, she told me I had to take it off or they either wouldn’t do the surgery or they would cut it off. She said I should go to a jeweller because they’d do a better job than at the hospital. But she was so cold and matter of fact and uncaring (well that was what I thought at the time). She even said that I had lots of time to do it that afternoon. I felt like smacking her! Did she not realize how many other things I was trying to get done? Did she not realize how many other things were on my mind? Did I really need to have this to worry about now? I was crying so hard at this point that I couldn’t breathe and couldn’t talk so I just wrote down the rest of the info and hung up.
For some reason this really upset me. It was like not only did I have to get my breasts hacked off, I also had to delete anything else that was any part feminine or made me feel like a woman. No lipstick, no nail polish, not even that which makes me feel the most special – my wedding and engagement rings. I just felt so ripped off and like I was literally stripped of everything. I supposed all the emotions I had been holding inside and the fear of the surgery and me trying to brave all just exploded with this phone call that had turned me into a weepy crazy lady.
|Poor Poor Pitiful Tasz -|
Lake Louise, AB Summer 2009
That evening we had a nice family dinner and I figured it would be my last good meal for a few days. Afterwards I packed myself a bag for the hospital and resigned myself to the fact that when I woke up the next day I would be off on yet another journey. I fell asleep thinking about the photos I have tucked away from the summer I spent backpacking in Europe and lounging on the topless/nude beaches in Greece. I was glad I had that crossed off my bucket list when I was in my twenties.
Poor Poor Pitiful Me - Terri Clark