Monday, March 18, 2013

SHE'S GOT THE LOOK

Well I knew I was going to lose my hair but when it started to happen I was wondering how I would handle it.  It was bizarre.  My hair started to come out in huge chunks.  If it was windy you could be sure that sections of hair would be blowing in the wind.  When I started to notice a big mess of hair on my pillow in the morning and in my car I knew it was time to do something about it.  I was going to have to get a new look.  So, I asked Mike to shave it off.  I think that must have been a very difficult thing for him to do now that I think about it.  I mean how many men have to shave off their wife’s hair?  It was really hard for me to ask him but I didn’t want anyone else to do it.

The Look - Fall 2006
This was one of the first moments that I have tucked away into my dark moments memory file.  There would be several low points along this journey and this was one of them.  I was kneeling beside the bathtub so that Mike could shave what was left of my hair off and into the tub.  That way it would be easier to clean up afterwards.  He was pretty cool about it and did everything he could to make me feel comfortable.  He said all the right things.  However, I could see the chunks of hair falling and I cried the entire time.  I tried not to but I couldn’t help it.  I did try to be as quiet and still as I could.  First we tried a brush cut but then there were these big bald patches on my head.  Mike ended up using the shortest length of the shaver and got off as much hair as he could.

When I eventually looked in the mirror it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.  I would of course keep wearing make-up and bigger earrings would soon become a key accessory.  As long as I could still do whatever I could to look as good as possible then that would make me feel better.  I tried to keep in mind how beautiful Demi Moore and Nathalie Portman still looked when they had their heads shaved for movie roles.

The next day I had to go to the arena for Alex’s hockey practice.  This would be the first time I ventured out into the public domain with no hair.  I was feeling very nervous.  I don’t know why because I knew that nobody would outright laugh at me or anything but I also knew that people would stare or feel uncomfortable or not know what to say.  However, I was determined to go about my life as normally as possible.  The arena is just down the street so Tasza and I walked over together to get some fresh air.
Rock Star - Fall 2006

When we arrived at the arena I reached out to pull open the door and I just froze.  I didn’t even realize that I was doing it.  I was hesitating on going in because there were people on the other side of the door that I knew or that I didn’t really know but recognized and I was going to have to walk in with no hair.  Ok I wasn’t shiny bald yet but I did have that very short brush cut or whatever it is called.  So as I was working up the courage to go in, my smart and beautiful and wonderfully perceptive daughter (who was only eight years old at the time) put her hand on mine and looked up at me with an encouraging smile and said, “It’s okay Mommy, you look like a rock star.  We’ll go in together.”  I smiled at her sweet face and thought how lucky I was.  And how strong she was.  Then I choked back the tears, took a deep breath and decided that I could do this, with some help from my daughter.

We pulled open the door together.

She's Got the Look - Roxette


10 comments:

  1. Only YOU...the beautiful you...could make me wanna get my hair shaved off! You've been the most beautiful person i've known since i was a kid...there was always something about you that made me wanna BE you. I even remember being in Sudbury and you came home from work with a McD's burger and doritos for lunch. Omg. How cool is it that you can actually eat that kinda stuff for lunch? And the next time my mom asked me....at the ripe ol' age of about 11...what i wanted for lunch - i said "mcdonald's and doritos".
    Cuz i wanted to be like you.
    I also remember you telling Trevor and Todd that splashing cold water on their faces would help to close up their pores...thus avoiding zits. Wow. That was gospel. So from that day on...FREEZING cold water was splashed on my face continuously...despite the fact I hadn't even reached the acne stage yet. But...i wanted to be just like you.
    That being said...i hope to never go through what you have, although I silently fear that it is just a matter of time. But if i ever AM faced with such an intimidating hill to climb, i will take comfort in your words and find strength in your courage. I love that you have shared all of this.
    xoxo
    jt

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey JT! Thanks for your message. I had no idea about any of that stuff. You wanted to BE me? Wow that is quite a complement for anyone. Crazy little cousin! Lol. I must have read about that cold water thing in a magazine somewhere. Funny how some things in life just stay with us for so many years.

      I too hope that you never have to go through this either. I know how hard it must have been for you and your family with your Mom and the mountains she climbed. I always admired her and the positive outlook she had and that great laugh of hers!

      Take care. Big hugs.
      TT

      Delete
  2. well Tracy that brought back memories - didn't have the courage to go naked - always wore my wig or a scarf or something - plus it was still pretty cold and I did like the wig Ghita my daughter had helped me pick - it was actually nicer than my own hair- and the ageing rock star look look didn't quite cut it for me- I really enjoyed the Look good- Feel better programme at the Civic - those terrific volunteers taught me how to use make up to best advantage - wig care and scarf tying - the tortal make over -made me feel good about myself! A morale booster when you need it most!
    Hugs To you Tracy for sharing
    Maja

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Maja! It may or may not be about courage though. To me it was more about what was most comfortable. So whatever works for each of us to get through it all. I too enjoyed the Look Good Feel Better program and thought it really did live up to the program name! Hope all is well with you and wishing you continued good health.

      Hugs right back at ya!
      TT

      Delete
  3. What a touching story. Isn't it amazing how good the people around us can be - from your husband to your daughter. It's such a privilege to read these stories of love & your courage.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi there! Thanks so much for your kind words and for reading my blog. It really is incredible how much strength and courage we get from our family, friends and even complete strangers at times.

      Take care,
      TT

      Delete
  4. You've turned a terrible moment into a beautiful story, Tracy, and not just a story about you, but about Mike and Tasza, too. Thank you. Andrew T

    ReplyDelete
  5. And you look really great even with your head shaved. I think it's all in the eyes! Much love. Andrew T

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awwww...thanks. Yes I am thankful for my eyes. They have let me see so many beautiful things in this world. Oh and lovely places like Drweck.

      TT

      Delete

Thanks for reading and for your support!