Monday, January 7, 2013

EMOTIONS

 A few days after my appointment with Dr. Surgeon at the Women’s Breast Health Centre, I was contacted by a healthcare worker.  She was calling to give me the date and time for the MRI.  I thought that was it so I thanked her and was about to hang up.  However, she suggested I get a pen and paper because there was a whole list of other appointments that she was going to give me that were all a part of the staging.  This sort of freaked me out a little bit.  I really had no idea what was going to be involved in this cancer business and this was just the beginning!
Manitoulin Island - Summer 2006

The appointments were set for a two week period between August 11 and 26 and included a chest x-ray, bone scan, cardiac scan, abdominal ultrasound, the MRI and a follow up to go over all of the results with Dr. Surgeon.  I hung up the phone and just thought – whew!  What the hell am I getting into here?  I guess I didn’t really have a choice in the matter but since I had always been very healthy I really had limited experience when it came to doctors and medical appointments.  That was changing quickly.  I felt like a tourist in a foreign land.

I also got another call that day but this time it was from a social worker.  Apparently this service is offered to all newly diagnosed patients through the Women’s Breast Health Centre.  I am not sure why but I felt totally offended by this call.  Why on earth would I need the services of a social worker?  There was nothing wrong with me except that I had this stupid cancer.  I mean I was strong and young and stubborn and I didn’t need anyone’s help outside of my family and close friends.  Perhaps I was being a tad defensive and ungrateful and I realize that many people probably really appreciate this service but I wasn’t one of them.   My reaction sort of took me by surprise.  I was nice to the lady on the phone though and thanked her very much and told her I’d call if I felt that I needed to.  I never did call back.
My Father's Garden - Summer 2006

So I guess this was the start of many new emotions, reactions, thoughts, feelings and general chaos in my brain and heart.  Not to mention the physical experiences that would be coming my way.  The only thing I could do was to take a deep breath, swallow the lump in my throat, ignore the fear in my chest and gather strength and positive vibes and hold on.  And maybe say a little prayer.




Emotions - Mariah Carey


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