DOCTOR DOCTOR GIMME THE NEWS

I was going to get the results today.  The waiting would be over.  It was August 2, 2006.

Mike and I headed into the city to meet with our family doctor.  (I will refer to her as Dr. Family.)  She took us into her office right away and the three of us sat down.  The first thing she said was that she was glad that we were both there.  It was like moving in slow motion into a bad dream.  Dr. Family has been our family doctor since we moved to Ottawa in the early 90s.  I had such a bad feeling.  I just knew something was wrong.  I was looking at Dr. Family’s face and trying to read what was there.  Finally she moved away from the small talk and proceeded to give us the news.

Me at a Crossroads - Whistler, BC 2006

She took a deep breath and said that she wished she could give us better news but that unfortunately cancer cells were found with the biopsy.  Obviously this was not the diagnosis we were hoping for.  I couldn’t breathe.  Or talk.  Or think straight.  My doctor had just told that me that I had breast cancer.  Breast cancer!  The “C” word.  This was not really sinking in but at the same time it hit me like a ton of bricks.  I wanted to scream, “I knew it”!  But I also wanted to scream, “Are you kidding me?  You must be talking about someone else!!”.  This was the same doctor that had confirmed both my pregnancies.  She was usually full of good news.  What on earth could she be talking about?  I was reeling from the news and it was almost like I was outside myself watching this scene play out.  It was all so very surreal.  I can’t imagine what was going through Mike’s mind.

Dr. Family was very supportive and so very human about the whole thing.  When she had received the results she made the decision that she wanted to be the one to tell us.  She didn’t want us to see the surgeon, and find out from him.  I will always be grateful to her for her delivery of this message.  It must be a horrible thing for a doctor to have to do.  She reassured us that we could see her at anytime if there was anything that we needed throughout this process.  She told us that we would now be turned over to other doctors.  Specialists.  I would see a surgeon in three days.  She reminded us that this was going to change our lives.  We were at a crossroads.

Then that was it.  The news was delivered and her job was done.  We left the office.  As soon as we got into the stairwell outside the office we both fell apart.  We cried and held each other and promised to fight this with everything we had.  Mike vowed to be my rock and swore that he would be by my side throughout.  He said that he wished that it was he that had the cancer and not me.  That’s the way you think when you love someone so much.  He loves me and no matter what, we were in this together. That is something I knew I could count on.

Doctor Doctor Gimme the News - Robert Palmer

Sign up for updates, leave me a comment or write to me
at tebotarnowski@gmail.com.  Would love to hear from you!